Such a dramatic title for the blog post today but it’s something I’ve been meaning to write about for awhile.
A quick update before I get into the nitty gritty: I had my photo shoot this past weekend and the photos are here: Photo shoot pics
Just scroll to the bottom.
My photographer was Jason of J.Dell Photography so be sure to show him some love as well. He was wonderful to work with and seeing as though this was my first time in front of the camera for something like this, I gotta say I felt completely at ease.
I’m also quite surprised by the number of compliments on my page and in person that I’ve been getting from the shoot. People I don’t even know are giving such great positive feedback and that really does make this all seem worth it!
Which brings me to the subject at hand: Getting used to the new ME.
Let me preface this by saying I’m not going to sit here and pretend I’m like this completely different person when I look in the mirror these days. And I have 16 more weeks left before the competition so my “transformation” is not complete.
But even still, I’m down to 115lbs from 142lbs just 8 months ago. That’s quite a bit of weight for someone, especially someone like me that never really worried about my weight too much most of my life.
So now there are some things I need to get used to.
It’s kind of alarming. It’s almost disturbing in a way, to view your body day in and day out and each time you glance in the mirror you see something new.
The first time I noticed a significant change was back in January. I was doing abs and I remember putting my hands on my hips to rest them in between sets and I felt my actual hip bones.
Having never felt these before it was really strange to me. Almost frightening. Not “Wow I’m so skinny my bones are protruding” type of frightening, because that wasn’t (and is still NOT) the case. No, it was just the position I was in and the unexpected feeling of “Wow, I had a layer of fat over that area before, I guess this is working!” type of feeling.
Almost disbelief. Like I couldn’t believe it was ME.
It happened again as I was just reaching behind my back to scratch an itch and felt muscle where there was no muscle before.
And again when I went to put make-up on and felt my cheekbones. I kept touching my face and staring in the mirror as if to say “Is this real life?”
It wasn’t always frightening or disturbing. It was fun one day when I saw ABS. I literally ran downstairs to show my Mom and my brother, “Look!! It’s an ab! I have ab muscles!!” Granted at the time it was just two little muscles popping out, but still. I had NEVER seen abs before on me in my life.
Yes there are still parts of me that I wish were a little bigger or a little more defined or a little more this or that…But I think that’s why they call this a transformation: It’s a process that takes time and little by little, it’s great to see the small yet amazing changes your body takes when you lose a large amount of body fat/weight.
And now that I’m putting on some muscle, it’s even better! Still scary though.
A girl that I post to on a message board for Figure competitors had something interesting to say about one of my posts that I think is appropriate for this topic:
I had said “I just wish my Mom could see me now. I like to think she’d be proud of me and really happy for me.”
The girl responding also lost her Mom and replied: I’m honestly not sure what my Mom would think of my lifting. She’d probably be totally weirded out, ha!”
As simple as that comment was, it made me think: Are there people “weirded” out by how I look now? Not that I care of course, but I find it interesting. I mean, I was weirded out by how I looked. Legit freaked out. I’m getting USED to it now, but even looking at those pictures, I can’t believe that’s ME.
It’s exciting, it’s thrilling, it’s motivating, but it’s still a little scary and alarming. I’m sure I will get used to it but something to remember if you’re going for a certain look as I am for this competition:
Be prepared for how your body responds. Be prepared to ACCEPT your new body when it DOES respond. And try not to freak out when you see your TRAPS in the mirror.
Yeah that’s right..I have traps now. 🙂
Thanks for reading tonight! As always, feel free to comment!
Random Tweet of the Week from
@MILLERNATION6 in response to one of my Photoshoot pics: “I am a born again christian since jan of this yr and those pics show Gods beauty:)”
I don’t even know this person and it MADE MY NIGHT!