Repeat After Me

I don’t eat the junk food because I don’t buy the junk food.

I don’t buy junk food because I can walk past the junk food at the store.

I see the junk food but I don’t want the junk food.

I don’t want the junk food because I’ve had the junk food before…and it aint that good.

I don’t eat the fast food because I didn’t cook the fast food and I’m not entirely sure what’s in the fast food.

I didn’t cook the fast food so instead I eat the food I did cook.

I eat the food I cooked because it’s usually 100% better than the fast food anyway.

I drive past the drive thru because I spend enough $ on the real food.

I don’t get hung up about my weight because I don’t weigh myself everyday.

I don’t weight myself everyday because I don’t care about the weight that much.

I don’t care about the weight that much because I know I’m not a reflection of a number.

I don’t complain about my physical flaws because they can’t talk back to me anyways.

I appreciate the flaws I have because it’s a reminder I am not perfect and I’m human just like everyone else.

I drink water instead of pop because water tastes awesome to me.

I don’t buy the pop because I hate the taste of sugar coating my teeth.

I drink water because I listen to my body and it desires good things that give me energy.

I don’t  have the bad food or drink the sugary stuff too often (but I do sometimes and that’s okay!) because my body feels like garbage after I eat and drink that stuff.

And the more I eat and drink the junk stuff, the more my brain tricks me into thinking I want more of them…and then it’s back to….

…I don’t eat the junk food because I don’t buy the junk food…

Food Is Love…and Other Lies We Tell Ourselves

eating-disorder

Food makes everything better.

Food makes me feel worse.

Eating is my favorite pastime.

Eating is my least favorite part of the day.

Being skinny means being the cheerful one. The pretty one.

Being fat means being the funny one. The life of the party.

The thought of cooking makes me sick.

The thought of cooking makes me nervous.

Planning my food out makes me feel in control.

Planning my food out makes me feel obsessive.

I wish food was my enemy, then I wouldn’t eat so much of it.

I wish food was my best friend, then I would eat more of it.

My reflection in the mirror makes me cringe.

My reflection in the mirror makes me laugh.

My doctor said I’m going to die if I don’t lose some weight.

My doctor said I’m going to die if I don’t put on some weight.

I’m starving already…this diet sucks.

I binged again…this diet sucks.

Fast food is better than no food, right?

No food is better than fast food, right?

I have to take a picture of my food, gotta make sure people think I’m sticking to my diet.

I can’t look at pictures of food. It makes me feel guilty for not sticking to my diet.

I’m starving first thing in the morning so I eat a huge meal. I heard that’s the best way to kickstart your metabolism.

I’m starving first thing in the morning. Then I wait 12 hours to eat because I heard intermittent fasting is the best way to diet.

I have 6 small meals because that’s what you’re supposed to do.

I have 3 big meals because that’s what you’re supposed to do.

I can’t eat like you do, I’m in awe of your discipline.

I can’t eat like you do, I’m grossed out by your food.

I’d give anything to have your body.

I’d do anything to have my old body back.

I know I’m so thin, everyone looks huge to me.

I know I’m so big, everyone looks tiny to me.

I forgot what it’s like to not be on a diet.

I forgot what it’s like to be active.

I forgot what healthy is supposed to look like.

When I get to my goal weight, then I’ll be happy.

When I eat this ice cream, I’ll feel better.

When I throw up this ice cream, I’ll feel better.

After I eat that cheesecake, I’ll go to the gym before the calories really settle in.

After I eat that cheesecake, I’ll go to bed before the shame sets in.

Looking in my refrigerator gives me a panic attack because it’s always full of stuff I shouldn’t eat.

Looking in my refrigerator makes me depressed because it’s always full of stuff I won’t eat.

If I had a personal chef, then I’d lose weight.

If I had a personal trainer, then I’d lose weight.

If I had my spouse’s support, then I’d lose weight.

I wake up thinking about food.

I go to bed dreaming about food.

 

I wish I could break-up with food.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The More You Know, the More it Sucks

So I kinda figured out this whole fat loss/dieting thing. I actually figured it out a long time ago, but unfortunately, it just took me until NOW to realize how much it really sucks.

See, there’s really no big secret to losing fat and keeping it off. We all know it’s basically being in a caloric deficit. And yes it requires hard work and patience and time and effort of course.

But to finally finally FINALLY understand that you cannot possibly see good results without adhering to your diet at least at an 85-90% compliance rate 100% of the time?  Well, that’s the part that really sucks.

Here comes the whining (I’m really good at complaining, so brace yourself).

So now I gotta get back to being the tupperware queen again. Now I have to resist the urge to eat something I’m not really supposed to. Now I have to toss the peanut butter that calls my name when I’m not even hungry at night. Now I have to suck it up and just deal with hunger sometimes. (Not starvation, let’s be clear).

I finally understand how most of my clients feel MOST of the time. I’m struggling like they do. I’m frustrated like they are. I’m cheating as many times if not more than they are on the weekends.

And here we go again on Monday morning, starting over. This time we will be 100%. This time we won’t cheat. This time we will prep our foods. This time we’ll get our workouts in. This time we’ll try really really hard and we will not fail.

But a few days or maybe if I’m lucky, a few weeks might pass and I’ll be back here again, repeating the same thing.

So goes this whole dieting thing.

And there’s really no other words of wisdom to share with this. There’s no big revelation. There’s nothing more to say other than THIS. SUCKS.

 

Get in the Zone

This says: "You're kicking a$$!"

hrzones2

A few days ago I went to LifeTime Fitness where I used to work as a Personal Trainer and got my heart rate zones re-assessed.  If I was computer savvy enough I would post my old testing results here but just to put these two pics up here was tedious enough (You have to click on them to enlarge them so you can actually read them).

I was really excited to see these zones because they have changed dramatically from where I used to be.

To summarize for those who are not familiar with heart rate training, the above results show what my heart rate in beats per minute is in each Zone.  There are 5 Zones.  You will see that I didn’t reach a Zone 5 because…well, why would I prolong the torture? Not only that, but the point was to get to my Zone 4,  which is the threshold – the point where someone stops burning a significant amount of fat and starts burning a significant amount of carbohydrates.  See that shaded area in the top pic?? That’s fat being burned off.

Nine or 10 months ago I was nowhere near 175 beats per minute in my Zone 4.  I was closer to 156.  A huge leap!  Makes sense since I wasn’t doing much in the way of high intensity a year ago.  Actually I was in crutches a year ago so I wasn’t doing much of anything at that time.  I had just done some recumbent/stationary bike as my main form of cardio after getting off the crutches.  It was killing me not to be able to do any running of any kind.

Nowadays, my cardio workouts are much SMARTER.  I was told by my test administrator Amanda that I would be wise to implement some recovery training once in a while (staying below that Zone 1) to give my system a break.  I like to describe it as keeping your foot on a gas pedal – you might be going FAST but are you really doing your body any favors by constantly “running” it into the ground?  You gotta take your foot off the gas and hit the brakes.  I was really fearful of over-training at this point in the game so I’m happy to see that I am NOT…..yet.  Had I not gotten tested I probably would just continue to hit it hard without getting in any recovery time.

The second pic shows the Zones and how many calories are being burned per minute as well as my Volume of Oxygen.  To make a long story short: the higher the Volume of Oxygen is, the better.  Again, I was nowhere in the 40’s prior to this test so yet another milestone conquered.

Of course it’s not all about the numbers.  As with any goal, the hard data is great to have but it’s also important to note the other Non-Number Related Victories:

  • Getting above 7mph on the treadmill during this test without passing out.  Granted it wasn’t for a long period of time but I’m amazed at how FAST I’m able to go, even for brief intervals, on the treadmill.  One of my first posts on this blog was about my experience at A.S.A.P. Fitness where I participated in my friend Gerred’s R.E.A.L. Training class.  I know for a fact he had me on the treadmill to “run for 3 minutes” and I can still see myself hanging on the treadmill for fear I was going to fly off….at 5mph.  Ha!  In my defense that was the first time I was “running” on a treadmill in over a year so, it was probably to be expected.  But now, I can sprint at 8mph for about minute, and then I am wiped out collapse on the floor.
  • Taking progress pics more frequently now, every week.  It seems like everyday I’m noticing something small yet significant related to some muscle growth going on.  I would emphasize to ANYONE on a weight loss journey or just a body transformation quest to take pictures.  You might be the only one looking at them but you will REGRET it when you make some progress if you don’t have that “before” pic to show everyone how far you have come.
  • My lower abs lower abdominal region is trying to sneak its way out of the fat and show itself. 🙂  I’m coaxing these muscles as much as possible to show themselves – no doubt due to the Hanging Leg Raises and Hanging Knee Raises I try to do every other day at home from my Pull-up bar. (The nutrition helps of course too!)  Thanks again to my sister for getting that for me and my brother for hooking it up.
  • Speaking of pull ups, I completed 3 chin ups – unassisted this morning. Woohoo! I still have yet to do one complete unassisted Pull up but I’m getting there!

On that happy note, Happy Wednesday Everyone!

Random Tweet of the Day courtesy of @PenniesAndGum: “It’s best mixture. One bag microwave popcorn, 1/3 big box Duds. They melt in the hot popcorn, and the whole thing is fantastic.”

All I can think of is: This is going to be what I’m going to eat as soon as I’m done with my competition. HA!

Breaking through the plateau

Of course this was going to happen…Of course.  It was inevitable after losing so much weight that I would hit a standstill.  The weight loss plateau has reared it’s ugly head in my direction.

Stuck at 127 with absolutely not a budge in two weeks.

Now I know it’s the holidays.  And most people who are trying to lose weight would be happy to see themselves maintaining during such a difficult time of the year.  I shouldn’t complain.   But it’s still a disappointing.

I am becoming one of my own clients.  I’m doing all the wrong things like weighing myself after dinner (WHAT!? Duh!), stressing out about a measly little pound, freaking out and envisioning the scale frozen on 127 forever.

This won’t happen.  I will start to lose again but the first step is to figure out what the hell I’m doing wrong.

A few possibilities:

1.  I’m doing too much:  I have only allowed myself 1 day off since starting this journey.  That’s more then 3 months of non-stop exercising.  Not good.  That could lead to overtraining which can lead to all sorts of metabolic issues if I don’t address it.

2. I’m not doing enough:  Even with all this working out, it’s possible I’m not doing enough of the QUALITY workouts.  Possibly  too much steady state and not enough High Intensity?  Too many full body workouts and not enough splits?

3.  I’m doing the same thing over and over:  Don’t we all know the definition of insanity?  Although my strength training program has been different each week, it has always been full body.  So it might be time to change it to split routines.  Also the diet has been the same for 3 weeks so it’s quite possibly my coach will change that up next week.

Those are the three main reasons why I we all hit a weight loss rut.   In keeping with my previous post about looking at the positives and staying optimistic, I’m going to attempt to have some fun while trying to figure out exactly what is holding me back.

In the meantime, I’m still planning my regular meal plan for this week despite celebrating Christmas (tomorrow actually), traveling on a plane Wednesday and Thursday and working a nice long day on Christmas Eve starting at 6am and ending after I get finished with Christmas Eve dinner.  I have my work cut out for me this week.

But in the end, now is not the time to worry or care about staying perfect; it’s time to enjoy spending time with loved ones and friends.  I will be enjoying the hell out of my food and hanging with my family.  And I will not give this plateau a second thought! I might even eat a piece of (gasp!) bread.  Yes real life starch! (what’s starch? It’s been so long since I’ve had any I forgot what the hell it is.)

Merry Christmas Happy Holidays and all that jazz everyone!

-Michelle

Random song on iTunes: The Killer by The Twilight Singers (quite possibly the best song ever…ever!)

Random Tweet courtesy of some random person: When someone walks into a school w/a rope w/a spear attached throwing it & screaming “Get over here!” then let’s discuss video games.