Peak Week Jitters

This week began what’s called Peak Week for me, the week of the competition.

My plan from Coach Ben was not such a big difference when I first looked at it.  The one big thing was that I got to do cardio!  I even sent him a message saying how I was kind of excited at the thought of doing HIIT training the next morning in addition to my usual weight training.

Hey guess what I realized very quickly the next day???  I don’t miss cardio.

Considering that I had done my weight training and then an hour of cardio afterwards for a grand total of almost two hours at the gym, I was TOAST.  It was great to work up a huge sweat like that but I cannot believe people voluntarily go to the gym and workout for that long on a regular basis.  Hell, I can’t believe I used to RUN (okay JOG) for that long and even longer when I trained for my half and full marathons.  No Thanks!

I only have one more cardio session on Thursday morning and that will be it.

The other big change for me is staying at my low-carb amount for longer than I’m used to.  I used to switch off (kind of like carb cycling) with high carb and low carb days.  Well, today marks day number 4 of low carb.  Let me tell ya, I’m not used to this.  I was very foggy on Monday morning after my workout and I was kind of out of it again this morning with my client.  But, it went away after awhile and although I like telling people “Oh yeah, it’s my lack of carbs, that’s why I forgot (insert ditzy mistake here).”  It makes for a really good excuse but I can’t help but wonder that it’s just because I’m having more than my usual blonde moments. 🙂

Tomorrow I can only drink water…no more crystal light crap or my energy drinks (yes, I became addicted to some of them i’m ashamed to say).  But I can do this…I survived most of my adult life without them, I can certainly handle a few more days of not having them.

Then Friday…..The FUN begins.  I get to carbo load.  And omg I’m SOOOO looking forward to that.

Prepare for a slew of Instagram pics of all my carbo loaded meals.  Nom Nom Nom!!

Possibly one more update before the show.

In the meantime, here are some shots from the posing seminar I attended two weeks ago with some fantastic ladies who I may be competing with.

Top is a little low...oops.
Top is a little low…oops.

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I say “with” and not “against.”  I feel a sense of camaraderie with my fellow figure gals.  Especially the ones who are like me, having never done this before.  Cannot wait to hang backstage and get to know them better.

Off to bed…One more update coming your way Thursday…maybe a quick one on Friday.

-Michelle

 

 

 

Quick Update

I’m 14…er…13 days…well, actually, make that 12 days out if you don’t count today since it’s almost over…Yikes!!!

Things that are done:

  • Registered for the show
  • Posing seminar/dress rehearsal
  • Suit ordered and fits perfectly
  • Tanning booked
  • Photo shoot booked
  • Make up person booked
  • Tickets for family purchased

Things still to do:

  • Get the hair done/scheduled for the morning of the show
  • Get some cheap bling (I think I see a trip to Claire’s in my future)
  • Schedule mani/pedi

As for the diet, Coach Ben says I’m in the best position possible considering he’s adding food to my plan.  YAY for more carbs!

Here are some pics I took last night; I still have to work on the posing and I’m sure it will not be 100% by the time I hit the stage but I’m okay with that.

14 days out!
14 days out!

Now I must go to bed because I got up way early this morning and if I stay up any longer I will be tempted to raid the cupboards.  And I can only eat so much Jell-O (gelatin) in one sitting…I think my new record is 4 cups in one day.  Yeah I don’t think any human being should eat that much.  It’s just plain wrong. 🙂

Good night!  Next update from me will be just 6 days out.  Unbelievable!

Speaking of food…Vote!

I can talk about food forever and whenever.  And since starting this a year ago I must admit the subject of food has always been at the forefront of my mind.  Not to mention the hot topic of almost every discussion when chatting with friends about the competition.

“So what kind of food do you eat?”  “Are you starving??!”  “Are you eating a ton of fish and asparagus?”  “Don’t you just want to eat some Burger King once in a while?”  “How much food do you actually eat?”

When I’m not thinking about what I’m about to eat, I’m thinking about my first meal AFTER the competition is over.  I’ve seen many ideas thrown my way and they have all been enticing.  But I’m asking you, random reader, to share with me what YOU think I should eat as soon as I’m 100% FINISHED with the competition on October 5th.

Don’t consider it a “last meal” type of event – it will technically be my first REAL meal since starting the competition.

So help me choose! I promise I WILL eat whatever ends up being voted for the most and will post pics as proof!

Missing Mother

“How are you doing?”

When I get asked that question lately the subject always goes to the competition.  Always.  And I’m not tired of talking about it….yet.

Everyone wants to know what I’m doing, what I’m eating, how I’m working out, how do I stay on track, who’s your coach, how many weeks left, where is it, how much are tickets, what time will you be on stage???  The questions keep coming and I keep answering them with a smile on face, eager to share all the exciting news and information.

But when I’m alone, and no one is asking how I’m doing, I think about Mom.  I think it’s normal to think of her, especially when it’s quiet, when there’s not much going on.  OR when you’re counting down the hours until your next meal. 😉

But, unfortunately, the more I think about her, the more I miss her.  The more I miss her, the more upset I get.   And I get upset when I realize how much she’s missing out on.

She’s not here to watch me practice in my heels traipsing around the house in my bikini practicing my posing.

She’s not here to see me cook and prep my food and perhaps ask for a taste of something for herself.

She’s not here to take my progress photo’s and tell me my bikini is crooked or my hair is a little bit off.

She’s not here to tell me what she thinks about my ideas for the website or the book I want to write someday or the team I want to build after this is over.

She’s not here to tell me what kind of jewelry I should wear for the competition or how I should do my hair or what color my suit I would look best in.

She’s not here now and she won’t be there in October and she won’t be around to celebrate when it’s done.

And it sucks.

It’ll be the first of many “She’s not here” moments and there are going to plenty afterwards.  There have been many already.

But I do pray that on that day I feel her around me, cheering me on, whispering in my ear to keep going, to not be nervous, to do my best.

I hope and pray she’ll be there.  In the audience, smiling and beaming, proud and happy for her daughter.

 

 

Build-a-Butt

Get it?? Like Build-a-Bear….but it’s Build-a-Butt.

That’s funny isn’t it?!  Or maybe I just find silly titles like that humorous.   Moving along…

I survived my first posing seminar this past weekend!  Woohoo! And by surviving I mean I didn’t fall down in my stripper shoes.  That’s a victory in itself.

If you consider my competition the SHOW, you can consider this the dress rehearsal…kind of.  Only with a lot less people…and no spray tans…and no make up or big hair….and no judges. ..okay so it’s not a dress rehearsal at all.

It’s a scrimmage. Yes, a scrimmage would be a much more appropriate description.

I met some amazing looking women like Beth (@SansPantsGirl) and Callista (@StillaLandShark) with matching amazing personalities.  You couldn’t help but size up the competition but what was great is that we were all in the same boat – feeling like we perhaps didn’t belong.  All of us (as I found out later) are first time competitors.  I was shaking in my stripper shoes from the get go, not quite sure how to maneuver in these ginormous heels.

The seminar itself was great – I learned a lot from Chuck and Melissa who are both trainers and have competed several times.  Just watching them give cues I was in awe.  They are both BIG little people.  Big physiques, shorter in stature.  Like you just wanted one of them to bench press you just because you knew they probably could, ha!  (See picture – I’m sure you can tell who they are just by this description).  1071422_496548897099482_1186154786_o

As for the poses themselves – here are some visuals to help you understand just what I was doing on Saturday afternoon and the advice I was given:

frontpose

FRONT POSE:  I feel like I’m trying to be the Hulk in this pose.  You have to give the impression of size, specifically, that you have some.  And not just with this pose, with all of them.  But this is your first one that the judges see.   I’m still “under construction” so I’m not as large as I would like to be.  But, that doesn’t mean you can’t exaggerate and fake it in the meantime.  You’re not supposed to suck in the gut either – it’s more of an elevation of your ribcage.  You also want the judges to see your lats on this pose.  See how you can see that muscle underneath/behind this woman’s armpits?  Yeah, you want to be able to SEE those.  NOT EASY.

backpose

BACK POSE:  This is the most painful pose, in my opinion.  I had a very hard time with this one.  I kept putting my arms out too far and not flexing my back correctly.  I was told by one competitor a couple weeks ago that when you get it right you have to remember how it FEELS, especially since you can’t see yourself.  So, I’ll be recording this one for sure.

sidepose

SIDE POSE:  I wasn’t too bad with this one although I have to remember to stick the butt out and create a curve with the back/tailbone.  Oh and my hands..hand placement is very important with all of these.  Hands have to be relaxed and again, it’s al ot easier said than done.

relaxedsidepose

SIDE RELAXED POSE:  There is nothing RELAXING about this pose.  Of course I had to post a pic of my girl Nicole Wilkins for this one.   See how the front foot is so close to the other foot and it’s pointed?  You have no idea how much that HURTS when you are not accustomed to wearing heels. I was dying in this pose.  Plus I kept forgetting to twist myself so the judges would be able to see me.  This is also the pose you hold while everyone else is on the stage doing their poses.  So it’s imperative you master it (keep smiling keep smiling keep smiling) so you can stay in it for a long period of time. 

Some other bits of advice given to me throughout the seminar:

“Get your butt up…you have no butt so you have to create the illusion that you have one.”

“Relax your back..don’t let your blades jut out.”

“Point your toes as you walk…don’t let your knees bend so much.”

“Stick that butt out.”

Can you tell I need to work on sticking my butt out? 🙂

All in all it made for one very uncomfortable afternoon – but that was the point.  These poses aren’t necessarily comfortable or relaxed in any way.  You are literally shaking (at least I was) as you stand there trying to recall all the pointers that were given to you.  I can only imagine on Competition day what will be going through my head as I pose in front of the judges…”Make eye contact. …Smile…Relax the shoulders…Keep smiling…Hands in front…Butt out  But out…Butt out!!!”

In the meantime it’s practice practice practice.  I actually wear the heels while I do housework as often as I can.  And since I rarely do housework, this is not a common occurrence.  But hey, if it gets me to load the dishwasher and do laundry more often, it’s a win-win situation right?

In the meantime, we got 10 weeks!  The countdown continues.

-Michelle

Tweet of the Week:  Courtesy of MeNote to Gen Pop: “Glad you’re doing well but you’re wasting away to nothing!” is what is defined as a Backhanded Compliment. #StopIt

Sometimes I can’t believe the nerve people have to tell you to your face what they think you look like.  And even after it’s explained that I’m happy and this is for a purpose (i.e. a show) I was told “That’s great! Good for you!  But you’re still wasting to nothing.”   Hey thanks random person!  You’re just fueling my fire to keep this going!

Mid-Week Mentality

 

I'm not a fan of the Keep Calm campaign but it was the only free image I found on Google.
I’m not a fan of the Keep Calm campaign but it was the only free image I found on Google.

I’ve been venting discussing with a few people how it’s been a mental game lately, this past week in particular with regards to staying on track with the diet.

I was not at 100% adherence (sidenote – that sounds so OFFICIAL doesn’t it?)  this past week unfortunately and although I don’t feel like I failed, I realize it’s a mental game now.  At first it was fun and it still is….but all of a sudden I would say it’s getting serious.  The diet is not so much restrictive as much as it’s challenging to stick to. 

The most difficult times for me occur when I’m off work in the middle of the week.   My mid-week SUCKS.   Weekends are pretty easy.   Which is odd because I feel like everyone talks about how weekends cause them to get off track.  For me it’s the opposite.  Weekends are super easy probably because I’m not awake for as long on those days.  The more sleep I get, the less time I have to cheat.  Unless I master sleep-walk-eating.  Which would be kinda awesome .

As for Monday and Tuesday, I would classify them as a medium level of difficulty.

Wednesday hits and look out!  It’s like a light switch goes off and all of a sudden I’m STARVING and everything looks good and I  stare into the cupboards and the fridge fighting with myself saying (sometimes out loud because no one is home)  “Okay so just one of THOSE or a tablespoon of THAT or just an ounce of THIS couldn’t possibly be so bad.”

Didn’t I make a big post about this a few months ago?  BLT’s! Bites Licks and Tastes = Add up = Leads to Binge = Hard Work Out the Window.

So here’s the game plan for Wednesdays:   Check-in with my coach.  Simple? Yes.  Effective?  Highly.  It’s probably just going to be a quick shout to tell him I was at 100%.  If I know someone is on the other end waiting for that email, I think I might do better. 

By the way, feel free to comment/email/text me on Wednesdays to find out how I’m doing.  It helps to have people, even complete strangers, check-in with me.  I did it the other day on someone’s Facebook Page.  They hadn’t posted in over a week so I posted a question to them on their “wall” and lo and behold it helped him.   Even though the dude doesn’t have a clue who I am, just the fact that I asked him how he was doing made a small difference.

Yeah it might be short-lived but it’s something to get through the day. 

I also got some good advice from my co-worker today.  She said:  Don’t think of it as 11 weeks to go or even 6 months in…think of it as Starting from Day 1.  Today you’re starting from the beginning.

Starting anew.  Maybe it sounds too much like “I’ll start Monday” mentality but it’s not.  Even though I’ve been on Ben’s plan for 10 weeks, and training for 9 months, I shouldn’t think of all the time that I’ve spent working and focus more on this point moving forward.  That way it’s like a fresh start every week.

I like that mentality a lot more than thinking “Oh my gosh I can’t believe I have to do this for 11 more weeks.”

It should be “Oh YES, I have 11 more weeks to work on this!” 

And even my coach phrased it well to me yesterday:  “You can make the most out of these next 11 weeks or you can just get through it.” 

I think I’m going to try to make the most of it.  Just getting through it sounds like Just Getting By and that sounds like no fun.  

FREE STUFF!!!!!

On a somewhat unrelated note, I will be providing some free t-shirts for my “Fans” to wear to the show on October 5th.  Family gets first dibs and then if there are extra and you are coming, you’ll get a shirt that you MUST wear that day.

It will look cool, trust me.  The goal is to get a big picture of myself with all my supporters that day.  For all those who have supported me, a t-shirt is the least I can do to repay you. 🙂

Also – I reserve the right to change my mind and charge a small fee for the shirts because…ummm….just because. 🙂

Okay 11 weeks:  Here. We. Go.

 -Michelle

Random Tweet of the Week courtesy of @jadeteta 

“What’s the deal with these ridiculous selfies? How bout take a picture of yourself helping someone? #helpies #dosomethinguseful”

I couldn’t agree more!

 

More than Before

May 26th 2012
May 26th 2012

I’ve posted a “Before”  picture on here previously but this picture above is really one that needs to be discussed.

It’s been a little over a year since this picture was taken.  In case it’s not obvious, I was a bridesmaid in my best friends wedding.  (I cropped her out for her privacy, but trust me when I say she was the most gorgeous bride….like, ever).

It’s so strange to look at this picture, NOW.

I don’t recognize myself.

But I don’t get sad as I look at this picture.  There’s no shame.  There’s no embarrassment.  Life was actually pretty good.

It’s just strange because I don’t want to forget how I felt when this picture was taken.  I want to remember that I did not look BAD.  This might be my BEFORE, but it could easily become my AFTER when this competition is over.

I’ll be honest, I hope it’s not.  I love the way I look now, but I was content looking the way I look in that picture.  I was satisfied.  I ate what I wanted when I wanted.  There was freedom to do that back then.

I celebrated birthdays with cake and ice cream and maybe some drinks.  I ate burgers and fries once in awhile.  I had pizza, I loved string cheese like it was going out of style.

I ate Peanut butter and Jelly for weeks at a time when I was feeling lazy.  I had salads with dressing that wasn’t measured out.  I went to baseball games and had hot dogs.

I went to the movies and had popcorn with butter and Buncha Crunch, my most favorite theater snack.

Yeah, I had veggies but only occasionally.

Yeah, I drank water, but only when I worked out.

Yeah I worked out, but only cardio and just SOME weight training for fear of breaking my foot again.

I was coasting….maintaining….perfectly content to just keep living my life that way.

But there was an obvious downside to this freedom:

I had zero self control.  There was no need to analyze every single piece of food that entered my mouth.  Who was keeping track?  Certainly not I.

I didn’t have the willpower to NOT eat everything that was put in front of me.  Any why shouldn’t I? There were no pics to send to any coach.

I hardly cooked my own food.  There was no reason to fuel myself properly for the workouts I wasn’t doing.

I never got enough sleep.  There were no early morning lifting sessions to be rested for.

I wasn’t doing any heavy weight training.  There was no motivation to get in shape.

Was it damaging me?  Maybe not.  Was it healthy?  Eh, not really.  Am I better off now than I was BEFORE?  Absolutely.

Although this experience is far from over, the physical changes are already obvious and that’s all great.

It’s the mental and behavioral changes that should matter most.

Here’s to 11 and a half weeks until my AFTER.

-Michelle

5 months to go

Or 159 days to be exact.   I wanted to have a special little “anniversary/countdown/I-can’t-believe-I’m-doing-this” post at the 6 month mark but life got in the way.

So much to update everyone on starting with the most exciting news:  I have booked a photo shoot for early June.  I’m really excited about this opportunity to showcase my progress so far.  I was feeling very unmotivated in March and earlier this month and this really was the goal that I needed to kickstart back into action.  Of course the photos will be posted as soon as it’s done and available. 🙂

Secondly, I joined a BLT Challenge courtesy of Nicole from Curls & Whey Training.

What’s BLT you ask?  Well it stands for Bites, Licks and Tastes.  Those little cheats, as little as they may or may not be, do add up.  For the average person just trying to shed a few pounds, do they make a difference? I would answer that it depends.  For someone like me trying to compete and get ready for a photo shoot? They absolutely matter.  Because in my mind I might say “Just one dark chocolate square won’t hurt.”  But guess what? I don’t have just one. I might have two or three or half a bar.  So what happened to “just one bite?”  Yep, it adds up and makes a difference probably more mentally than physically.

The challenge consists of teams of 3-4 people who pay a small fee that will go towards the prizes for the winning team.  You must record every BLT you have over the course of 2 weeks.  Just two weeks.  If you do have a BLT, you must pay a $1.  What’s just $1?  Well, again, small price you might say.  But after a few bucks, they add up to more $$$ correct?  Hmmm…are you getting the point?

The challenge officially started today and so far I am at 100% compliant with my plan.  Speaking of my plan, I’m trying a new plan out from a difference coach for now.  This particular plan incorporates what’s called Carb Cycling.  Two days of low carbs, 1 day of moderate carbs and one day of high carbs.  Then you start over with your low carbs.   I’ve done it for just a week and feel incredibly better.  I’m not feeling inclined to cheat (nothing to do with the challenge), I feel fuller longer, I’m not staring at the clock wondering when my next meal will be and I feel more alert than before as well.  I’ve also changed my workouts slightly to incorporate less steady state and more HIIT.  I think the combination of both of these is starting work very well.

Speaking of temptations and lack of cheating, one of our members at the studio brought in THESE the other day.

The Devil.
The Devil.

Ummm…Hello there sugary deliciousness, nice to see you again. Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies.  Home made.  Soft batched. Free.

I somehow managed to have zero of these.  But here’s the best part – I didn’t exactly want them.  Yes, I told one of my male co-workers to eat them so I wouldn’t.  Yes I smelled them.  Yes they were described to me as being AMAZING tasting.  But perhaps it helped that they were brought in to work when I was just a couple hours away from the end of my shift.  Or maybe it helped that I had JUST finished eating Meal #3.  Or maybe it was the carb cycling taking effect.  All I know is that I avoided them and they were not at work the next day to stare at me for 6 hours.

This is what we call a Non-Scale Victory, or NSV.  This was a huge NSV.

Lastly, I’ve been getting some really sweet feedback on this blog as of late and I just want to say thanks to all of you who read my stuff.  I know alot of you read it without commenting and that’s quite alright.  I’m happy to inspire as many people as I can!

Not to close on a negative note but I must share that yesterday morning I was surrounded by cancer.  Three items were on the kitchen table – The Plain Dealer, Experience Life Magazine and a letter addressed to my Mom from the American Cancer Society Relay for Life.

The Plain Dealer headline was about Cancer Clinical Trials and showed the journey of a 58 year old brain cancer patient, EL Magazine has a story about “A Healthier Way to Fight Cancer,” and lastly the piece of mail.

I hadn’t read the article in EP…I skimmed through the PD article…but I did open the letter.  I’m not sure what I was expecting to see or read but nothing could have prepared me to read the words “Dear Cancer Survivor.”

It was like a punch to the gut.  I was literally surrounded by all this literature that was a stark reminder of my Mom’s struggle and passing.

As much as it sucked to read all of this, especially at a time when I wasn’t expecting to read it, I had to look at what the message really was:

That there is hope (trials), there is a more holistic way to prevent it (integrative oncology according to the article you can find here) and there are survivors out there still raising funds for a cure (Relay for Life).

So to end on a positive note – Here’s to hope, health and happiness.

-Michelle

Inspiring the Uninspired

It’s been quite the rough road for me this past month.  But with all the stress, sadness, negativity, and de-motivation, came moments of hope, renewal, reflection and restarting

After lamenting and complaining and having a big pity party for myself, I emailed my coach to ask for some advice.  What I needed was a short-term goal to get me through these next 3 months before my prep begins in mid-July.  It’s been suggested to me to maybe do a photo shoot, just for fun.  I have heard many women do that if they don’t want to do a competition.  Unfortunately it’s just as costly to do a photo shoot as it is to do a competition so it’s not exactly a money-saver.  BUT, it follows the same premise as a competition:  Tanning, makeup, hair, prep, purchase of clothes to wear to the shoot and most importantly, the fee for the actual photographer/session.

So since $$$ is a factor and I still would like to do the comp in October, I have just refocused and took some advice from one of my three bosses (yes I have three jobs ha!) and decided each month or every 2 weeks or whatever, I will pick a certain part of my body to actually work on.  I’m still going to focus on all muscle groups for my workouts each week but spending a little more time on the problem area(s) will be the goal. 

Plus I’m going to take progress pics every weeks instead of every 3 weeks.  It’s just another way to stay motivated and accountable. 

I love this plan already (Thanks Mark for the idea!)

If I am focused on one thing, it’s so much easier to accomplish it, right?  The same rule applies to anything in life I suppose.  Multi-tasking is the enemy. 🙂

Short term goals are good, but I was still feeling de-motivated and lazy and even irritated that I decided to train for the show.  I kept using the excuse “It’s not until October, let me just eat this crap right now, who cares!” everytime I thought about cheating.  I was taking all my emotions and putting them towards food.  I found any junk food in the house/cupboards and proceeded to devour them like never before.  Almost as if I would never eat again.  Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on your attitude towards carbs) the most unhealthiest food we have in our house is Ritz crackers and Jelly.   

That didn’t stop me from eating an entire SLEEVE of Ritz crackers and an entire JAR (okay it was the small ones but still) of jelly, by the way. Several nights in a row… The guilt was minimal (I had more of an “I could care less” attitude), but the feeling in my stomach afterwards told me that was a BIT too much sugar. 

So I needed some inspiration, some motivation, something a little more tangible than just some words on a Facebook page or a quote from a book.  I really needed to get back into the spirit of things.  

Ironically, the Spring version of the competition took place this past weekend.  And one of my friends’ daughters was competing in the bikini division.  I never met her, didn’t know her at all. But I was SO excited for her!  Here was a small connection that I could latch on to.  Although I really wanted to attend the show itself to cheer on this complete stranger, I couldn’t attend.  But, speaking to my friend afterwards was great because his daughter placed 7th in her first ever competition! Talk about motivating!!!  This chick is a MOTHER and looked amazing on stage.  I gave her dad my email address so I hope to have her discuss her experience on the blog soon.

A few days ago, the pictures from the competition came out online.  Here are the links:

The NPC Natural Ohio

RX Muscle Contest Gallery

Just looking at the pics of the Figure competitors was inspiring to me.   It shows how far I have to go, but it also shows me that it’s attainable.  Kind of like looking into a crystal ball…a picture of what “could be.” 

Lastly, being on Twitter does have it’s perks.  I was able to get in contact with a woman named Callista, who is ALSO training for the same fall competition!  She just started a blog Run Lift Like a LandShark as well as an FB Page.

I couldn’t help but notice our similarities (except for that whole kid/husband/attorney thing) so I’m really excited to follow along in her journey too. 

Just goes to show when you think you’re hitting rock bottom and you’re ready to give up, there are people and things all around you to get you back on track. 

So here’s to a week(end) to getting back to YOUR goals.  Whatever they may be!

-Michelle

Random Tweet of the Day courtesy of myself: “Umm I put make-up on for the @Indians game tonight in the #SocialSuite so it HAS to stop raining. I didn’t clog my pores for nothin!” –

The game got rained out by the way; so yes, I DID clog my pores for nothing but $25 wasted on parking and an hour of sitting in a suite watching the jumbotron air two random MLB games.  Not fun.

Hurry up and Wait

ImageThere’s a little saying in the production world where I used to work that if you were on the crew you would say to one another as a joke: “Hurry up and wait.”  I have no idea where this saying came from, perhaps it’s applicable to your job. 

The reason behind it is the rush of trying to get things done, only to have to wait for certain things to happen first.  When I worked as a production coordinator, you would hurry up and get everyone in place ready to shoot a scene, only to have to wait for someone else to make things happen.   Maybe the actor that was hired is still in wardrobe or makeup, maybe the lighting still isn’t quite right, maybe the teleprompter won’t start up (that last one is from personal experience).  Talk about a panic attack as everyone sits there and just waits and stares at you to solve the problem so they can get through the day.  Glad those days are behind me!

I thought of this saying today as I was frantically emailing and messaging various people online asking all kinds of questions about my figure competition goal.  I recently opened up and sent some pictures of myself to a very well known trainer who told me I was way too thin to even think about competing this year.  Granted she made it clear it was her own opinion and she is just looking at pictures of me but it threw me off a little bit. 

I did ask for her advice so I brought that on myself.  And I knew she would be honest.  After thinking about it for awhile I realized she’s only saying I need to train 3 months longer than I had originally planned.  No big deal right? 

See the problem with being surrounded by other trainers and being a trainer myself as well as having a fair amount of knowledge about nutrition, I am constantly researching what the best method is for training for this competition.  At the same time I’m getting all kinds of advice.  So with this advice and research, the self-doubt kicks in. 

All of a sudden I thought to myself “Maybe I’m doing too much cardio.  Maybe I should do what that woman is doing…maybe I should eat like that guy is telling people.  Shouldn’t I be seeing muscle gains by now?  How come I’m not losing the fat quicker?  How long is this going to take?!”

I worked my brain into a frenzy.  But worst of all, I didn’t trust my coach.  I hired this man for a reason and I realized I need to stick with the plan.  There is no rushing this process.  It’s going to take time.  A year?  Well, maybe.  But after I got some great advice from two competitors that I contacted, I understand that I can still do my show as intended in October this year as a “warm-up.”  Then, if I choose to, do another show as the “real deal” in the Spring of 2014.

I also took a step back this week to remind myself why I started this whole thing:  For myself; to change my body; to see how far I could take this body and my fitness level and to essentially show off all my hard work.  I’m not doing this for a trophy, for a prize, for anything more than to say “I did this.”  So back to the drawing board, although I never really left the board.  I just took a temporary leave to get my mind straight.

Now that it’s on straight, I can say this:

“It doesn’t matter how slow you go, as long as you do not stop.”

I’m not stopping.  I will keep going.  I can do this.

-Michelle